Wednesday, April 17, 2013

30 Day Challenge

Day 12 - Your Current Relationship, If Single Discuss How Single Life Is

Whoa! Another tricky, tricky question!!!!

I don't consider myself single, I am a widow. 
I didn't chose to be alone, that choice was taken away from me. I'm not saying everyone who is single chose to be that way, because that is not true in many cases. I am just saying if Jason was alive I would still be with him.

How is it being a widow? Well firstly it's quite lonely, especially after the kids have gone to bed. There are loads of things I really miss about having my husband around.

I have no one to help me make decisions. For some people that might sound blissful!! But it's also a massive responsibility. I am the sole person to make ALL the decisions about EVERYTHING! Everything from what food to cook to what school the kids should go to. Having to make ALL the choices ALL the time gets both tiring and stressful. 

I have very little down time. Between housekeeping, children, shop owning there is very little time where I can sit and be content. Don't get me wrong I sit plenty! In fact probably too much! But constantly going around and around my head is what needs to be done. When Jason was around I had only half of the workload. He was very good at helping with the chores around the house, I was very lucky and quite spoilt by that, I miss it a lot.

I have no one to vent to about the everyday little things. Or no one to share the funny little things that happen in my day, or with the kids. I wrote a post about my Relationship with Facebook. It wasn't anywhere near what it was when I had my husband to talk to everyday.

My kids have only me for everything. I have to do ALL of the School Trips, Parent/Teacher Interviews, Camps, Birthday Parties, Cubs/Pippins, etc etc etc.  It gets tiring being the only parent. It's also really disheartening seeing the Mums and Dads of kids turning up to all these things and it's always just me. I also have to go to places like the Zoo, Museum, Fairs, Galas, etc etc etc by myself, or often these days with my Mum. I am eternally grateful for the support from my Mum.

Family Holidays don't feel right. I don't like going to the beach or swimming because I feel uncomfortable watching both my kids by myself in the water. I feel like a 3rd wheel when I am with my couple friends. 

So basically after being in a really good relationship with a man who does so much for you and your kids and his family, being single sucks!!

What else can I say!?!?!


Neetz said...

Wow... says it all Trace.
And I'm experiencing all of that with my Mum at the moment.

She misses the partnership, the being able to bounce ideas off your closest person... or not even that.. just having your partner there... just knowing they're there. Breaks my heart for anyone that's widowed...

Love you lots. xxxx

jacksta said...

Leonie said...

My beautiful friend, this makes my heart ache for you so much. Thank you for your honesty, I can't imagine what it is like.
Lots and LOTS of love