"That" Kid

It is that time of year where all the Facebook posts are of how amazing all my friends children did at school, how proud they are of the amazing school reports and their achievements during the year.

I have a child like that too, Abbey came home with an amazing school report, one that any parent would be proud of and amazing grades and many achievements.

But I don't share.

Why don't I share?

I have two children. One that gets amazing grades and one that doesn't. One that does great at school and one that doesn't. One that has lots of friends and gets invited over to peoples houses and one that doesn't.

I don't tend to want to rave about one of my children and not the other.

I have had a "feeling" about my son ever since he was quite little. I'm an Early Childcare Teacher, I know kids, I know what they are supposed to do developmental wise. So maybe I should have acted upon this "feeling" long before now, but the thing is no one ever wants to admit that there is something "wrong" with their child.

At the beginning of this term I had to make a very difficult decision, one that I haven't widely talked about but I thought it was time to talk about it, time to open up as I have about so many difficult times in my life. I need to write about it because writing helps me process things in my mind.

This term I made the decision to keep Riley back a year at school. He was supposed to be going to Intermediate School next year and the thought terrified me. How can I send my son to Intermediate? He will be eaten alive. He will drown. Let me explain my son to you all.

I have a sneaky suspicion that Riley has a form of Autism. I have wondered this for a really long time. So far it hasn't been a massive thing. He hates loud noises, he hasn't really got any close friends, he obsesses over schedules, hates surprises or sudden changes. His behavior is up and down. He sulks, won't talk to you and throws tantrums even though he is now 10! We went through mental health and they put his behavior down to post traumatic stress from the death of his Dad. He had counselling and things seemed to start getting better but once the counselling ended so did the progress. His grades have fallen, his behavior isn't the greatest again, things seem to be taking a nose dive for him. So back to mental health again, more assessments and at a terrible time of the year to try and get anything done.

I am scared for my son. No one wants their kid to be "that" kid, but my kid is. My kid is the one who is going to get picked on and bullied because he is different. My kid is going to get teased because he can't control his emotions.My kid is going to be ridiculed because of his irrational fears and insecurities. My kid is going to get eaten alive by the "normal" kids because kids are incredibly cruel. And it breaks my heart.

I love my son with my everything, I feel like I have failed him as a parent. I feel like I should have done more, been more involved in his schooling, talked to his teacher more often, taking more notice and done more for him. I feel like I have let him down.

I don't know if Riley is autistic. He might just be a weird kid. He might just be a little terd who doesn't want to do what he is told. My mothers instinct is telling me otherwise. His grades for his effort were all A and B which tells me he is trying but not understanding. And over the last year I have seen some massive positive changes in him. But he still isn't ready to be put in an Intermediate school environment. The thing that scares me most is what if even after this extra year, where I am planning to be on his toes the whole year, what if he still isn't ready? What do I do then?

It's so difficult having one kid who has problems and one who is the complete opposite. I want to shout out and praise my daughter and share all her achievements but I don't want to look like I have favorites. I love my kids the same, they are my whole world. It's just that one is a breeze to parent and the other is a nightmare.

So now I fill in lots of forms and then wait until the new year for another appointment with mental health to assess my son. I cry a lot about it and I pray that this coming year will be the year that he might shine and achieve what he needs and wants. I hope that I can make the changes to help him be successful.

Watch this space for more information and wish me luck!

4 Years Today .....

Another year has gone by without you.

The grief I feel for your loss isn't constant any more, it comes in like the tide in ebbs and waves.  Somedays are stormy and the grief swell overwhelms me. Other days are calm and peaceful.

So much has happened in this last year. We are all growing and changing.

Riley is a senior at school. He is fast turning from a boy into a young man. Everyday he is looking more and more like you. He hurts as much as I do. We were talking about around the time you died. He remembers as much as I do. He says little but feels much.

Abbey is growing like a weed. She is going to be a handful when she hits puberty. She has your cheeky sense of humor and your sparkle and smile. She misses the thought of you. She doesn't remember what it was like to have a loving Dad. She has had more life without you now than with you.

I am at an emotional cross-roads. I love you with the same intensity as I did before, that will never change. But I am so lonely. I have started dating. It's confusing, especially at the times like this when I am feeling so much sadness at your loss but also feeling excitement for the upcoming date I have. I miss you everyday you aren't here. I still cry, although not so much as I used to. My heart is still aching and the hole you left will never be filled.

I am strong, and brave. I have found myself, the me without you. I quite like her. She is spirited, funny, cute, quirky, creative and filled with love. I know I am lovable and worth loving because YOU loved me. You loved me with your everything. I am glad I know that. I am so privileged to have had the whole heart of an amazing man in my hands. So many people live their whole lives not having the kind of love we shared. For that love I am greatful. For that 8 years we had together I am thankful.  I really hope that one day I get to hold someones heart like that again, and they can hold mine too.

Today, like the last 3 years we will be at Spring Hill Prison. Sitting in your memorial garden. Remembering, reflecting, grieving your loss.
I will leave my 8 orange gerberas. I will think of you, as I do everyday.

I will LIVE my life to honor yours. I will teach our children the power of love and the importance of life and the importance of people. We will live our lives and live them well.
We will NEVER forget you, your love or our love for you.

You will always be in our hearts.

alwaysforeverandeternity

Your Princess xxxx

When it Happened
Year One
Year Two
Year Three

Things I'm Loving

I wholeheartedly believe that no matter what is happening in your life, there is always something you can be thankful for..no matter how simple it is.

I am Loving .......

This crazy girl and her crazy outfits, which mostly tend to be her dolls clothes!!!

My beautiful Phoebe. Phoebe is my baby I had before I had babies. She is 12years old and I was a little concerned about her health so took her to the vet. Turns out she is in perfect health but may be going a little senile. The vet called her a dottery old lady!! She is my snuggle bum.

Getting new clothes from amazing local artists!! If you haven't already go check out Jessie Rose who has recently opened a store in Kamo. She is an AMAZING artist and I absolutely love her Rose Red and Boy Black ranges. Riley is modeling a Boy Black T-shirt.

My neighbour, who recently moved out, gave me a heap of wood that was on her property.  We borrowed my uncles chainsaw and my brother chopped it up. This is only half! I don't think I'll have to buy much, if any firewood this winter! Score!!!

Using the long weekend (Northland Anniversary) to take advantage of exploring my hometown!

Visiting Reotahi Marine Reserve

Visiting the Quarry Gardens

Reading LOTS. I have given myself a goal, over at Goodreads, to read 100 books this year. I have so many books that have been given to me that I want to read. My library is overflowing!! I love it! Reading is good for my soul, I want to feed my soul a lot more this year.

Linking up with Megan

I {Heart} Whangarei

It's been a while since I've done one of these posts. I really want to get back into exploring all the wonderful things in Whangarei and crossing some more things off my Hometown bucket list.
What a better way to motivate me than to start up a weekly Linky!!
I am going to start doing a weekly linky about Loving your Hometown and I challenge you to show me how awesome your hometown is by blogging about the wonderful things you can do there!!

Check out my I {Heart} Whangarei  tab to see previous posts about exploring my hometown.

This week I am starting with

Reotahi Marine Reserve

Both of my children have been on snorkeling trips with school to Reotahi. The EMR (Experiencing Marine Reserves) Team came to school for a few visits before hand and gave the children lessons on how to use the snorkeling gear, which they provided, and taught them all about Marine Reserves and the importance of looking after our ocean life.

I thoroughly enjoyed going on both school trips with my kids and had a blast going snorkeling, something I haven't done in many years.

Riley's Reotahi Trip 2011

Abbey's Reotahi Trip 2013

Last week I noticed a Facebook event for a Snorkeling Day out at Reotahi and of course jumped at the chance to go along with the family.

We got up early and headed out first thing Saturday morning, we must have arrived about 10am.  There weren't many people there and we waited for a few minutes to fill out our registration form and read the safety rules and get assigned our guide for our swim.

ALL the gear was supplied, snorkels and masks, flippers, wetsuit and a boogie board with a photo montage of all the different things we might see while we were snorkeling.

We met with our guide, Anton, and he helped us get our gear, showed us how to use it and went over all the safety rules. He also talked a little bit about Reotahi. It was started by a group of Kamo High School students about 6 years ago! Reotahi is the first marine reserve to be started by students ever! Amazing!!!

Then we got to get in the water. The kids were so excited when we saw fish and seaweed. There was a lot to look at and Anton pointed out quite a few things to us as we swam along. We must have spent about 1/2 hour snorkeling around the rocks and bay.

It was AWESOME and ALL free. I definitely recommend you heading out there if you can the next time they do another Fun Day.

Reotahi Trip 2014

So what have you done in your Hometown lately?

<div class="I-{Heart}-My-Hometown-button" style="width: 150px; margin: 0 auto;"> <a href="http://www.tracypscrapheap.blogspot.co.nz/" rel="nofollow"> <img src="http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d16/Tracy_Palmer/images4_zps58e9d834.jpg" alt="I {Heart} My Hometown" width="150" height="150" /> </a> </div>

LINK UP HERE

Extra Curricular Activities - Part One; Scouts

My kids don't play sports. I am secretly pleased about that. I'm really not a sporty person. I never played sports and I'm not a big fan of watching it. Don't get me wrong, if my kids showed an interest in playing sport I'd give them all the encouragement and do the driving to sports practices and games etc and shout from the sidelines. In fact Riley did play Cricket for a season and I was at every single Friday night game cheering him on. Thankfully But he decided to not play the next season. Sports isn't something I would actively encourage my kids to get involved in unless they showed an interest.

My Kids are Scouting and Guiding kids instead.

I first got Riley involved in Cub Scouts because I thought it would be a great way for him to get some really good positive boy time. Living in a house with two girls the poor guy hasn't got much of a chance! Jason was a Scout as a boy and I know he would have been so encouraging and supportive of Riley becoming involved. (Jase also would have encouraged sports eekk bad me!!)

First night in his uniform as an invested Cub Scout

Scouts Salute

Riley has LOVED cubs. He has a really cool troop with 3 awesome leaders.  He has had 100% attendance (apart from one camp that he was ill for) He won a prize for awesome Fundraising and he marched in the Santa Parade this year.  He has grown confidence and has developed a great relationship with all 3 leaders and the bunch of boys (and the couple of girls) that go every week. 

Marching in the Kamo Santa Parade

I like the idea of scouting as it encompasses so many different things. They encourage outdoor activities and getting rough, tough and down right dirty.  All the things that Riley misses out on living with two girls.

ANZAC Day Dawn Parade 2013 Hastings

 Riley also learns many positive and important life skills. He learns discipline, respect & honour.  He learns if he works hard he can get rewards for his work. He learns how to work as a member of a team.

Riley's first Personal Challenge badge - Collector.

Through Scouting Riley will have the opportunity to go to lots of places and do lots of things that I wouldn't ever take him to or do with him.

I am a great believer of letting people know they are appreciated.  I have always given gifts to the kids Pre-school/Kindergarten and school teachers so I decided I needed to let the Cub & Pippin's Leaders know how much I appreciate the time and effort they put into the kids.

Riley has 3 awesome Cub leaders. Akela, Kaa and Chil.  All three of these men take time out of their personal time to be involved. They spend time each week and on many weekend events making programmes and doing activities with the kids.  These men don't get paid, they volunteer their time.

So like the school teachers I decided to put together an end of the year thank you gift for the Guys.

Using THIS nifty little idea from Pinterest I decided to make the guys their own personal Cub Leader mugs filled with goodies.  I really hope they enjoy their gifts!!

We have one more Cub night this year which is a combined Shared Dinner/Party with all the Scouting troops from Kamo. It should be a fun evening.

I really look forward to seeing what Riley's troop gets up to next year and since I am now on the Scout committee I can get more involved in everything that happens.

Stay tuned for Part Two .... Girl Guides!!

30 Day Challenge

Day 21 - A Photo of Something That Makes You Happy

These two adorable children.

Enough said!

30 Day Challenge

Day 11 - A Picture Of Your Favourite Memory

I don't have just one favourite memory. I have many. Here are a few, in no particular order ......

When Jase arrived in New Zealand

When I became a Mum for the first time with my little Riley

When my wee Princess Abbey arrived

When I opened my Scrap Heap Store

My Wedding Day

Buying my first house

Amazing Volcano Explorer Weekend The End

The End

Well I have to say that I enjoyed this explorer weekend immensely. It was fun, I learnt A LOT. It opened my eyes to see things in a different way and it stirred within me a passion to explore my surroundings more. I am totally going to organise another Explorer weekend another time .. and we did only do 8 of the 50 volcanoes in Auckland!!

When I got home I quickly printed photos so I could finish Riley's Journal.

It is FULL of information and photos!!

We wrote a lot on the day that we visited the volcanoes. Riley and I sat in the back of the car while we were travelling from one volcano to the next. I wanted to get his fresh thoughts on each volcano after we had visited. As the day wore on his answers and descriptions became shorter due to tiredness but I am so glad I took the time to write it all down while we were doing it.  

So here are a few finished pages in the album for you to have a look at. 

What are your children interested in? What do you think would make a great Exploration Adventure?

I challenge you to take time time and effort to do something fun, educational and bonding with your kids. It is totally worth the effort!

Part 1 HERE
Part 2 HERE
Part 3 HERE

Amazing Volcano Explorer Weekend Part 3

Day #2 - Rangitoto

I had booked us tickets on the Rangitoto Island Explorer quite some time before the day we went.

Auckland and Northland were officially in drought. It hadn't rained in a couple of months. So of course the day we had booked to go to Rangitoto Island was the first rainy day. And it was very wet.

But we weren't going to let the weather ruin our experience. None of us had been to Rangitoto Island before so there was excitement all round.

                      

So we put on our raincoats and jackets and headed off to the Ferry Terminal to wait for our Ferry.

The kids were pretty excited about just the Ferry ride! 

There was a pick-up stop at Devonport and then a 1/2 hour trip to Rangitoto Island. We sat right next to the captains cabin so the kids had fun watching him pressing all his buttons.

When we got to the Island we had a quick toilet stop and then jumped onto our transport for the day.

 The tractor driver was our Tour Guide and was awesome! He told us some really interesting stories and he was also really funny so we were laughing a lot too.  I mentioned earlier that is was raining. Well I was sitting on the outside seat and the rain just happened to be coming from that direction. I was soaked about a 1/4 of the way around the track.

I learnt so much about Rangitoto Island that I had NO idea about. Things like the fact there is NO soil on Rangitoto, only rock. Rangitoto has been pest free since 2007. The largest Pohutukawa forest in the world is on Rangitoto Island. The kids didn't get as much enjoyment out of the narration as us adults did and unfortunately the weather made it slightly less comfortable and the scenery a little less interesting for them.

So when we reached the part where we got to get out and climb to the summit it was a relief for them to get to stretch their legs.

There were 300ish stairs to the Summit, which happens to be higher than the 2nd observation deck on the Sky Tower. About 3/4 of the way up there is a lookout to the volcano crater. This was where Mum, Aunty Val and the kids decided they had had enough of the rain and the stairs so they decided to head back down to the tractor. I decided that since I had made it this far I would head to the summit on my own.

Looking down into the volcano crater

So a few more stairs up, I got a lot more drenched and tired but I got to the top where there was a magnificent viewing platform where I got to see the spectacular summit view .....

Well I would have if the top of the mountain wasn't surrounded by rain clouds! I am really glad I went right to the top though.
So I trekked back to the bottom of the stairs where I found my family huddled in their seats having snacks and keeping as dry as they could.

300ish stairs!!

After waiting for the rest of the group to arrive back from the summit we headed off on the trail again. 

The next stop was the Lava Field. This is pretty much unchanged from when the volcano formed Rangitoto about 600 years ago. It was amazing. If the weather was better I would have liked to have explored this more but it was just a quick jump out, look around and then back into the transport for the shelter.

Then around the last part of the track and back to the dock to wait for the ferry to arrive to take us home. 
I had to get a photo with our awesome Tour Guide and he even let the kids jump up and have a turn pretending to drive in his tractor.

Because it was raining the scheduled stops weren't as long as they would have been had the weather been nicer. No one really wanted to have extended exploring time in the miserable weather. So we had about 45 minutes to wait before the next ferry arrived to take us back. Poor Abbey was soaked through, tired and cold. She was pretty much over it and just wanted to go home.

Once we were back on the ferry we ordered Hot chocolates (and a lemonade for the fussy boy) so everyone got warmed up and rejuvenated for the trip home.

Back to the car for dry clothes (thank goodness we packed some!) Then back to Aunty Val's for hot showers!!

Riley said that Rangitoto was his favourite part of the weekend and I would have to agree with him. Regardless of the weather it was an amazing adventure and I would love to go back again some other time in better weather!!! I would highly recommend the Explorer tour to anyone interested in going over.

Stay tuned for tomorrows installment ... the ending!

Read Part 1 HERE 
Read Part 2 HERE