Sub Categories and Linkies

So here I am ready to start my first new official blog post and I don't know where to begin!! I have sooo many ideas for topics and they are racing around in my head!

Image By Awesome-Kathi @ Deviant Art

So I was thinking that until I catch up I'll break it down into 5 categories and then I thought hey why not start up some crazy linkies and then I can find out who does what I do and I can start following their blogs too! So although I know this is going to start off slow I am going to start up some weekly blog posts and linkies.

1: Pimp My House

This is where I am going to be telling you about all the house renovations/decor I have done/doing/going to do! And OMGoodness I absolutely want to see what you guys are doing because I NEED all the ideas and tips I can get, maybe we can all help each other, start a support group called "I can't stop renovating my house"

2: I {Heart} Being a Mum

I am, like a million other mothers out there, overwhelmed with my job as a mother. I sometimes suck and I make major mistakes and I have regrets, but without a doubt I love my kids unconditionally. They are my whole world. This is where I'll talk about my kids and my life as a mother who juggles 500 hats just like every other mother I know. I'm not perfect but I am a FANTASTIC mother to my kids. Yep and I want you to all feel the same way about yourselves so this is where I want YOU to celebrate how awesome YOU are as a mother too!

3: Heading Off The Grid

I have future plans of living in the middle of nowhere as self-sufficiently as possible only doing the things I love and the things I need to live.  I am becoming more passionate in wanting a cleaner life for me and my family. I want to share my journey with you in this dream. If you are living this lifestyle or trying to I absolutely want to know about it all!!! I'm new at this and I absolutely want to learn as much as I can. I also really want to start being so much more environmentally friendly and start trying harder to make my families Eco Footprint much much smaller.

4: Crafting Keeps Me Sane

I started this blog as a craft blog, it has evolved into more than I could have imagined, but I am still a passionate crafter. So please as I share mine I want to see yours too! Any kind of crafting counts I don't mind, I just love seeing people making things with their own hands!!

5: Free to be Me

Life has changed for me a lot over the last 6 years and I have changed in many ways, I've made life choices that were great and some not so much, I have experienced a whole lot of new challenges and obstacles that I have worked my way through.  I have grown and I feel like I'm in a good place in my life right now. This is where I will share my life journey in finding out who I am as a person, take away the mother label and who am I? Lets find out together!! And please share with me who you are too!

I'm really looking forward to getting back in the blogging world and sharing and learning with the blogging community again.
Please if you stop by make a comment, even if it's only a 'HI' I'd love to be able to repay the visit and get to know you too, if you have blogs or otherwise.

So thanks for coming along for the ride!! I hope you enjoy it as much as I hope to!

The Ultimate Search

I have been doing a lot of soul searching over the last few weeks. Contemplating life and what it means.
There are massive questions about God and what happens to us after we die etc etc etc, But I am not talking about that kind of meaning of life. (You can read about my feelings about that HERE)

What I am talking about is Love.

Why are we here?
I believe we are here because of love.

Without love what are we?
Love creates life.
Love turns people into new people.
Love makes people Happy, Sad, Angry, Desperate.

Why when love can be SO painful do we continue to crave it?

I have been in love. I know how AMAZING it can be. When you have real love, love where the other person loves you as much as you love them, it is the most beautiful and amazing thing in the world.

Love isn't just between a man and a woman.
I love my children unconditionally. They are my world. They in turn love me unconditionally.
If only we could all love the way children do, it would be a much better place to live in.

Everything is geared up with love as a focus. TV, Movies, Songs, Books - pretty much ALL based around a love story. We are absolutely swamped with it, and I guess that is why we become so obsessed with it.

Girls give away their bodies searching, boys do stupid things to try to impress while searching. We feel incomplete without a relationship. But at what cost? How many people settle for less just because they are too afraid to be alone?

Why do I feel like I am a slave to love. I am desperate to find someone to share my life with, but why?
Am I afraid to be alone?
Why do I feel like I need a partner to complete me?
Is it because Jason left such a gaping hole in my life I am trying to fill it?

I think it is because I knew true, amazing, pure love and I know how spectacular that is. I desperately want that feeling in my life again. That feeling of happiness, security, stability, bliss.

Don't get me wrong, Jason was by far not perfect, and neither was our relationship. We saw each others imperfections but loved each other anyway. We worked through our issues and came to compromises and conclusions rather than giving up at the first sign of trouble. That is what real love should be like. Hold no grudges, work through issues, forget about the past.

The thing is though, we are never going to find love when and how we want to. Love is not going to solve all our problems or make us happy. Love is not going to fix our problems or get us a better job.
The truth is no one else can make you happy. No one else can make changes in your life to make your life better. Love can certainly enhance your life but not fix it.

The only person who can make you happy is YOU. Unless you love yourself and are happy within yourself you can't make the changes you need to make your life better for you then no one else is going to be able to help you.

I've taken the last almost 5yrs to get to know the unmarried me. It took me 4yrs to be ready to even begin to look for a new relationship. I have learnt a lot over the last year of dating. I have been knocked down a couple times but I have come back stronger and wiser and more ready than ever.
I know what I want, Now the tick is to find him!!!

30 Day Challenge

Day 25 - Who Are You?

I am Tracy. 

I used to know who I was. I am on a journey to find out who I am now. There have been many major changes in my life I have roles I never used to have before.

Everyone has titles. I have always been a Daughter, a Sister, a Cousin, a Niece, a Friend, a Grand Daughter.

I met Jason and became a Wife, a Mum, a Soul-Mate

Jason died and I got new titles. Widow & Solo-Mum

I am still figuring out what this means. I am still figuring out who I am now without Jason. It is going to be a long process of "finding myself" But almost 3 years after Jase's death I am ready to begin that journey. 

A Journey of self-discovery. A journey of self-worth. A Journey I anticipate to be hard, painful, scary and worth it all.

A Journey to find out Who I am.

I am Tracy.

30 Day Challenge

Day 23 - 15 Facts About You

Fact #1

I own 3 cats. One old girl Phoebe and a brother & sister pair of kittens that the kids got for Christmas. Twinkles & Comet.

They ALL sleep on my bed. They take up HEAPS of room. I am now getting the nickname of Crazy Cat Lady

Fact #2

I am obsessed with the colour orange. I am slowly turning my entire house orange. I love it!!

Fact #3

I go to prison every year.

Hehehe

May 16th was the day Jason died. We go to Springhill Corrections Facility every year on the anniversary of his death (that is where it happened) to visit his memorial garden. We have no grave site to visit (he was buried in his home country America) so we visit his garden instead. 

Fact #4

I have a fascination with the supernatural, mainly vampires. I Love books, movies, TV shows that have these themes. Not sure why but I love them!

Fact #5

I am the youngest of 3, and the only girl. Growing up with two big brothers has it's good and bad aspects. I didn't get picked on too much at school because everyone was afraid of my big brothers, but my big brothers picked on me!! I turned out a bit of a tomboy. I always wished for a sister.

But I love my brothers, they are pretty alright!

Fact #6

My Dad is a paraplegic. He had a work accident 16 years ago. He's still awesome though! Even if he can be a bit of a grump!! My Dad knows so much about EVERYTHING. You wanna know something, go ask my Dad. He is a vault of information!

Fact #7

My Favourite flower is the Gerbera, orange is of course my favourite coloured ones!  I had a bouquet of white gerberas for my wedding and the girls had red ones. I have a couple of orange ones in my garden too. Love them!

Fact #8

I am a Early Childcare Education Teacher by trade. I started out as a nanny and then went into ECE. I did this up until Jason died (with breaks in between being a stay-at-home Mum) so it was about 15 years. I don't have the passion for ECE like I did before I had my own children. I would prefer not to go back to work in that field but it is nice to know I have a fallback career if I need it.

Fact #9

I have only ever been overseas once. Jase and I went to America back when Riley was only 1 1/2 years old. I was newly pregnant with Abbey at the time so I guess she came too! I had such a great time! We spent a month there visiting with his family and travelling around a bit. We went to New York and Washington DC. Jase also took me on a tour of many of the places that were important to him when he was growing up, schools, old houses etc. It was such a great trip. 

Top of the Empire State Building NYC

Fact #10

I have sleeping issues. Ever since Jason died. So for the last 3 years I have had a bit off an insomnia issue. To begin with it was the dreams, I was afraid to go to sleep because as soon as I closed my eyes a little movie would start in my head of watching him die, or seeing him in his casket. I found if I stayed awake for as long as possible when I was so tired I couldn't stay awake any longer I wouldn't dream when I fell asleep. I don't have the dreams like I used to but I think I have just got into a really bad sleeping pattern which is pretty hard to kick.

Fact #11

I have a coke addiction

Coca Cola that is!! It has to be coke, not pepsi or any other brand. I get headaches if I don't drink it, pretty bad I know! But hey it's better than smoking or alcohol right?!?!

Fact #12

I have a foot thing. I can't stand going to bed without washing my feet. This is the main reason I am a night time shower person. I remember back in my night clubbing days, crawling home at 4 or 5 am and washing my feet before stumbling into bed. Everyone has a little bit of crazy .....

Fact #13

I am an asthmatic and I am violently allergic to dust mites and grass. All 3 of those things are connected as my asthma gets worse when my allergies are triggered. I have had these issues my whole life. Luckily I haven't been in hospital because of it since I was a kid. Through medication I have my issues under control. But it is still a pain to have to be on medication ALL the time.

Fact #14

I have been on TV for two different reasons. Of course there was a lot of media coverage surrounding Jason's death so that was one.

While my Dad was in the Spinal Rehabilitation Unit after his accident he was featured on the hospital show Middlemore. I was briefly in that too.

Fact #15

I lived in the same house from when I was born until I was 18. I still drive by that house every now and again just to see how it's changed on the outside. Once it was for sale and I took Jason through the open home to show him the house I grew up in! It was a pretty cool house in a pretty cool street and pretty cool neighbourhood.

I love google maps!!!

Wardrobe Wednesday

Eeekkk nervousness ... my first Wardrobe Wednesday

So lets just get it over with .....

Firstly, I HATE having my photo taken, it felt weird! But it had to be done huh! The wind was blowing my top up and I was laughing a bit and it was starting to rain. Fun times!

Anyway .....

I am wearing my brand new Hazeltree Magic Skirt which I LOVE! I can't wait to test out all the different ways to use it!! I think I definitely want another one ... real soon!!!

I have my eye on this one ....

I have been very good at not wearing slobby clothes this week, I have worn my boots everyday and haven't worn a T-shirt!! I do think I might need some new Bras .. gah I hate bra shopping!!! 

So I am getting there .... baby steps I say! Just little baby steps!!

See my post about coming out of the closet HERE

What to Wear?

Wow Look at me 3 Posts in one day!

For a while now I have had image and fashion on the brain. I have written & re-written a post about this in my head so many times. In fact I was doing it while hanging the washing outside this morning!

I am a bit of a slob. I have to admit that, it's ok because it's true. I would be happy to sit around in my PJs all day. I love my PJs.
My whole life fashion and clothes have never been a big thing for me. I've never enjoyed shopping and I have never had an eye for fashion, never ever. I wear clothes that are comfortable that cover up the worst bits of my body! I live in Jeans and T-Shirts. I guess I am pretty lucky I didn't marry a guy who cared about having a trophy wife who looked good all the time, to be honest sometimes I wonder why he wasn't more embarrassed by me!

To carry on with the slob subject lets talk about make-up.  I don't wear it. Ever. Well ok not never ever, I have on occasion worn make-up but I don't own any and I have no idea how to put it on, except lipstick, I can do that.

None of this really bothers me. I am pretty lucky I guess that my appearance has never been something I have worried overly much about. I know some people can get totally caught up in their image and what other people think. I am pleased I'm not like that. It's not that I have an issue with make-up or fancy clothes. Not in the least. It's just never been an interest to me, or a necessity  I have never had a job where I have needed to dress up. I'm not sure I ever will.

So why the sudden interest in fashion?

Well it's not that I have suddenly taken an interest, it's just that I am starting to care more about how I look. I haven't got a husband who is affirming my worth anymore. I am not feeling so good about myself for various reasons and I want to. I want to feel good about myself again. Wearing my PJs all day may be comfortable but it does not make me feel good. It makes me feel blah and slobbish.

I want to feel good.
I want to start putting a bit more flare in my wardrobe. I want some more "feel good" clothes. I want some more colour in my day. I want to step outside of my PJ comfort zone and get a little adventurous.

So I am challenging myself.
I am going to start sharing my wardrobe. I am going to start wearing different things. And hopefully I am not going to look incredibly embarrassing!!!

Wish me luck!!