30 Day Challenge

Day 25 - Who Are You?

I am Tracy. 

I used to know who I was. I am on a journey to find out who I am now. There have been many major changes in my life I have roles I never used to have before.

Everyone has titles. I have always been a Daughter, a Sister, a Cousin, a Niece, a Friend, a Grand Daughter.

I met Jason and became a Wife, a Mum, a Soul-Mate

Jason died and I got new titles. Widow & Solo-Mum

I am still figuring out what this means. I am still figuring out who I am now without Jason. It is going to be a long process of "finding myself" But almost 3 years after Jase's death I am ready to begin that journey. 

A Journey of self-discovery. A journey of self-worth. A Journey I anticipate to be hard, painful, scary and worth it all.

A Journey to find out Who I am.

I am Tracy.

30 Day Challenge

Day 24 - A Photo of Something That Means A Lot To You

A while ago I mentioned to the beautiful Cat, from Catalina's Cottage, that I admired her beautiful charm. The next thing I know Cat and a few of my other precious friends, Leonie (Kiwi At Heart), Marie and Nicola, had shared in the cost and bought me this gorgeous bracelet. 

I am blown away by the generosity and love I receive from my friends. 

This bracelet means so much to me. It reminds me of the silver linings. I lost my Husband. So like the saying said I had to use my Brave wings and fly without him. But every dark cloud comes with a silver lining. My silver lining has come in the form of friendship. I lost my husband but I have gained so many amazing and beautiful friends. I am blessed.

30 Day Challenge

Day 23 - 15 Facts About You

Fact #1

I own 3 cats. One old girl Phoebe and a brother & sister pair of kittens that the kids got for Christmas. Twinkles & Comet.

They ALL sleep on my bed. They take up HEAPS of room. I am now getting the nickname of Crazy Cat Lady

Fact #2

I am obsessed with the colour orange. I am slowly turning my entire house orange. I love it!!

Fact #3

I go to prison every year.

Hehehe

May 16th was the day Jason died. We go to Springhill Corrections Facility every year on the anniversary of his death (that is where it happened) to visit his memorial garden. We have no grave site to visit (he was buried in his home country America) so we visit his garden instead. 

Fact #4

I have a fascination with the supernatural, mainly vampires. I Love books, movies, TV shows that have these themes. Not sure why but I love them!

Fact #5

I am the youngest of 3, and the only girl. Growing up with two big brothers has it's good and bad aspects. I didn't get picked on too much at school because everyone was afraid of my big brothers, but my big brothers picked on me!! I turned out a bit of a tomboy. I always wished for a sister.

But I love my brothers, they are pretty alright!

Fact #6

My Dad is a paraplegic. He had a work accident 16 years ago. He's still awesome though! Even if he can be a bit of a grump!! My Dad knows so much about EVERYTHING. You wanna know something, go ask my Dad. He is a vault of information!

Fact #7

My Favourite flower is the Gerbera, orange is of course my favourite coloured ones!  I had a bouquet of white gerberas for my wedding and the girls had red ones. I have a couple of orange ones in my garden too. Love them!

Fact #8

I am a Early Childcare Education Teacher by trade. I started out as a nanny and then went into ECE. I did this up until Jason died (with breaks in between being a stay-at-home Mum) so it was about 15 years. I don't have the passion for ECE like I did before I had my own children. I would prefer not to go back to work in that field but it is nice to know I have a fallback career if I need it.

Fact #9

I have only ever been overseas once. Jase and I went to America back when Riley was only 1 1/2 years old. I was newly pregnant with Abbey at the time so I guess she came too! I had such a great time! We spent a month there visiting with his family and travelling around a bit. We went to New York and Washington DC. Jase also took me on a tour of many of the places that were important to him when he was growing up, schools, old houses etc. It was such a great trip. 

Top of the Empire State Building NYC

Fact #10

I have sleeping issues. Ever since Jason died. So for the last 3 years I have had a bit off an insomnia issue. To begin with it was the dreams, I was afraid to go to sleep because as soon as I closed my eyes a little movie would start in my head of watching him die, or seeing him in his casket. I found if I stayed awake for as long as possible when I was so tired I couldn't stay awake any longer I wouldn't dream when I fell asleep. I don't have the dreams like I used to but I think I have just got into a really bad sleeping pattern which is pretty hard to kick.

Fact #11

I have a coke addiction

Coca Cola that is!! It has to be coke, not pepsi or any other brand. I get headaches if I don't drink it, pretty bad I know! But hey it's better than smoking or alcohol right?!?!

Fact #12

I have a foot thing. I can't stand going to bed without washing my feet. This is the main reason I am a night time shower person. I remember back in my night clubbing days, crawling home at 4 or 5 am and washing my feet before stumbling into bed. Everyone has a little bit of crazy .....

Fact #13

I am an asthmatic and I am violently allergic to dust mites and grass. All 3 of those things are connected as my asthma gets worse when my allergies are triggered. I have had these issues my whole life. Luckily I haven't been in hospital because of it since I was a kid. Through medication I have my issues under control. But it is still a pain to have to be on medication ALL the time.

Fact #14

I have been on TV for two different reasons. Of course there was a lot of media coverage surrounding Jason's death so that was one.

While my Dad was in the Spinal Rehabilitation Unit after his accident he was featured on the hospital show Middlemore. I was briefly in that too.

Fact #15

I lived in the same house from when I was born until I was 18. I still drive by that house every now and again just to see how it's changed on the outside. Once it was for sale and I took Jason through the open home to show him the house I grew up in! It was a pretty cool house in a pretty cool street and pretty cool neighbourhood.

I love google maps!!!

30 Day Challenge

Day 22 - A Letter to Someone Who Has Hurt You Recently

Hmmmmm

I can only really think of one person who has hurt me and to be honest I'm not really sure I have the words to write that letter. That person is the man who killed my husband.

I guess I am pretty lucky that I am not really someone to hold a grudge. I have a bunch of amazing friends and I can't imagine them hurting me.

I am blessed

30 Day Challenge

Day 21 - A Photo of Something That Makes You Happy

These two adorable children.

Enough said!

30 Day Challenge

Day 20 - The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

Interesting question!!!

Well I started blogging waaayyyyyy back in 2008. To begin with I wanted to blog to share my crafts. It has turned into way more than just sharing my crafts!

Anyway getting a bit off topic ...

I am a scrapbooker. I am messy. My desk always looked like a heap of junk! Mix the two together and you get The Scrap Heap. And Inside the Scrap Heap just meant coming into my scrappy heap of crafts! 

30 Day Challenge

Day 19 - A Picture Of Something You Want To Do Before You Die

I have a couple of things that I would want to do.

#1 - Go On A Cruise Ship Holiday

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to go on a cruise ship. I have no idea what the appeal is. I have no idea why I am so enamoured by them. I don't even care where the cruise is to!! I just really want to go on one!!

#2 - See The Egyptian Pyramids 

Something else I have had a fascination with for as long as I can remember are the pyramids. I love egyptian mythology and history. It totally fascinates me. To see these big boys for real would be awesome!

30 Day Challenge

Day 18 - 5 Things That Irritate Me About The Opposite/Same Sex

click for source

Things that Irritate Me About Men

1: Smells -  ok so men stink. They fart worse, they burp worse, they have worse BO. They just smell. And many of them don't seem to care about smelling either.

2: Googly Eyes - Men's obsession with a woman's body. I hate that so many men automatically scan the boob and the butt area. I would prefer if a man looked at my face when he was talking to me. 

3:  Pride/Stubbornness - I do not need instructions, maps or help with ANYTHING

4:  Peeing - Just because a man has the ability to pee anywhere standing up in relative privacy doesn't mean he has to. Bathrooms were invented for a reason. Oh and while we are on the subject of bathrooms, please aim for IN the bowl and put the seat down afterwards!

5: Grunting - Having a conversational vocabulary that begins and ends with SportsCenter. 

Things that Irritate Me About Women

1: Bitchiness - Lets face it, it's rare to get a bunch of women together for extended periods of time without having the bitchiness. I have worked in a female heavy job for all of my working life and there is always a certain amount of bitchiness at different periods.

2: Judgemental - Women can be terribly judgemental. Judging others clothes and look. What they drive, where they live. I have absolutely been guilty of this, but it irritates the heck outta me.

3: Gossiping - I HATE gossiping. It reminds me of the media, everything taken out of context. I am not saying I am perfect and don't gossip myself, but some women take gossip to a whole new level.

4: Image - Some women are obsessed with their image. Women who can't leave the house without makeup, go to extreme lengths to make sure they have the perfect clothes. Spend hours in the bathroom making sure they look perfect just to pick the kids up from school. Annoying!

5: Moods - Yes I know that for many of us it honestly is PMS and really not something we can control, but irrational mood swings are irritating, and my own irritate me. I hate being so hormonal and emotional ALL the time. 

30 Day Challenge

Day 17 - How You Hope Your Future Will Be Like

The future is something that I have avoided thinking about in depth. Thinking about the future makes me need to address things that I am not ready to think about.

I hope that in the future I am happy again. I hope that I find out who I am. I hope my children grow to be responsible adults, and that they are truly happy. 

I hope that my store is busy and successful. I hope that it makes enough money to support my family.

I hope that in the future I have every room in my house renovated how it is in my head right now. That the kids have an awesome place to bring their friends home to.

I hope that I get to spend loads of time with my friends. I really hope that my friends who are so important to me now are still big parts of my life. 

I hope that I get to visit my family in America and Australia. I hope that I get to see where Jason has been laid to rest.

I have a lot of goals to work towards. Here's hoping I can look back on this post one day and think "Wow! Look how much I have achieved!!" 

30 Day Challenge

Day 16 - Short Term Goals For This Month And Why

April.  What are my Short Term goals this month?

Clothes - To step out of the box and wear clothes that make me feel good. Stop wearing so many slob clothes to try to stop being a slob!!

Renovations - To get the painting started in Riley's Room makeover, it has taken WAY too long to get to the stage where it is at now. It is finally after several months ready to sand. Poor Riley is stuck in the junk room until it's done. I want him to have his room back.

Shop - I want to get more organised with planning my classes. I would be very happy if I could have a whole term schedule for classes.

Family/Friends - We are going on Holiday which is why family & friends is together! I am having a family holiday to see my friends. I want to do more fun stuff with my kids.

I think that is enough goals for the month!

30 Day Challenge

Day 15 - Something You Don't Leave The House Without

My Keys.

I sometimes leave the house without shoes, I often walk out without my purse or bag. I frequently forget my mobile phone. I don't wear makeup. I guess I don't walk out naked so clothes is also on that list! 

It doesn't matter if I am walking or driving or heading to the dairy 5 min walk away, I always take my keys.

30 Day Challenge

Day 14 - A TV Show You're Currently Addicted To

I don't watch much TV. I have it on ALL the time at night but I very rarely actually pay attention to it. It's more like background noise rather than something I pay much attention to.

But when I think about it a show I really like to watch is Grand Designs

There is an Australian version but I really don't like it as much as the UK one. 

Kevin McCloud totally makes the show. I love the way he presents the show. He's fantastic! 

I guess one of the reasons I love this show is seeing people build their dream homes. I would LOVE to build my very own dream home. Seeing the effort, pride and love that goes into these homes is AMAZING. Some of the buildings they renovate are spectacular before they even start! It is awe inspiring. 

Grand Designs Live House of the Year is Eco

30 Day Challenge

Day 13 - A Picture Of Your Favourite Band Or Artist

Finally an EASY question!!!!!

Hands down without a doubt my favourite band is The Beatles

I LOVE their music, ALL of it! I can't even narrow down a favourite song because there are sooo many! They are legends!

I have had the pleasure of seeing both Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr live in concert. The Beatles music speaks to my soul. I know that sounds corny as! But it's true. They have a song for every mood, every occasion  every theme. I love them!

Wardrobe Wednesday

Eeekkk nervousness ... my first Wardrobe Wednesday

So lets just get it over with .....

Firstly, I HATE having my photo taken, it felt weird! But it had to be done huh! The wind was blowing my top up and I was laughing a bit and it was starting to rain. Fun times!

Anyway .....

I am wearing my brand new Hazeltree Magic Skirt which I LOVE! I can't wait to test out all the different ways to use it!! I think I definitely want another one ... real soon!!!

I have my eye on this one ....

I have been very good at not wearing slobby clothes this week, I have worn my boots everyday and haven't worn a T-shirt!! I do think I might need some new Bras .. gah I hate bra shopping!!! 

So I am getting there .... baby steps I say! Just little baby steps!!

See my post about coming out of the closet HERE

30 Day Challenge

Day 12 - Your Current Relationship, If Single Discuss How Single Life Is

Whoa! Another tricky, tricky question!!!!

I don't consider myself single, I am a widow. 

I didn't chose to be alone, that choice was taken away from me. I'm not saying everyone who is single chose to be that way, because that is not true in many cases. I am just saying if Jason was alive I would still be with him.

How is it being a widow? Well firstly it's quite lonely, especially after the kids have gone to bed. There are loads of things I really miss about having my husband around.

I have no one to help me make decisions. For some people that might sound blissful!! But it's also a massive responsibility. I am the sole person to make ALL the decisions about EVERYTHING! Everything from what food to cook to what school the kids should go to. Having to make ALL the choices ALL the time gets both tiring and stressful. 

I have very little down time. Between housekeeping, children, shop owning there is very little time where I can sit and be content. Don't get me wrong I sit plenty! In fact probably too much! But constantly going around and around my head is what needs to be done. When Jason was around I had only half of the workload. He was very good at helping with the chores around the house, I was very lucky and quite spoilt by that, I miss it a lot.

I have no one to vent to about the everyday little things. Or no one to share the funny little things that happen in my day, or with the kids. I wrote a post about my Relationship with Facebook. It wasn't anywhere near what it was when I had my husband to talk to everyday.

My kids have only me for everything. I have to do ALL of the School Trips, Parent/Teacher Interviews, Camps, Birthday Parties, Cubs/Pippins, etc etc etc.  It gets tiring being the only parent. It's also really disheartening seeing the Mums and Dads of kids turning up to all these things and it's always just me. I also have to go to places like the Zoo, Museum, Fairs, Galas, etc etc etc by myself, or often these days with my Mum. I am eternally grateful for the support from my Mum.

Family Holidays don't feel right. I don't like going to the beach or swimming because I feel uncomfortable watching both my kids by myself in the water. I feel like a 3rd wheel when I am with my couple friends. 

So basically after being in a really good relationship with a man who does so much for you and your kids and his family, being single sucks!!

What else can I say!?!?!

30 Day Challenge

Day 11 - A Picture Of Your Favourite Memory

I don't have just one favourite memory. I have many. Here are a few, in no particular order ......

When Jase arrived in New Zealand

When I became a Mum for the first time with my little Riley

When my wee Princess Abbey arrived

When I opened my Scrap Heap Store

My Wedding Day

Buying my first house

30 Day Challenge

Day 10 - A Photo Of Your Favourite Place To Eat

I don't eat out much these days. Eating at a resturant with just my kids isn't as fun as it was when I had Jase around. Sitting there on my own with my kids always feels weird to me.

But Jason and I used to eat out quite a bit before we had children. Our favourite place to go was here ....

I don't have any photos of me eating at Lone Star.  I really need to change that! And rumour has it that one is coming to Whangarei!! YAY!! Here's hoping that it is a fact and not just a rumour!!!

30 Day Challenge

Day 9 - A Photo Of The Item You Last Purchased

Recently I wrote a post about clothes and image titled 'What To Wear' The next day I went out shopping with my lovely friend Ruth and made a few new clothing purchases. 

Last night my Art night girls, Ruth & Janine, helped me cull my wardrobe and also helped me decide on loads of clothing combinations that I will be showing off soon when I start joining in over at Wardrobe Wednesday

We figured out that Orange (thank goodness!!) is definitely a colour for me, purple however is not!

I also bought this online at Hazeltree

I can't wait for it to arrive and test it out!!

30 Day Challenge

Day 8 - Your Dream Wedding

Well I am lucky enough to have already had a pretty dreamy wedding. 

If I was to get married again though I would love to have an Orange Wedding. 

I don't want to feel pressured into doing things I don't want to. I have one big regret about my wedding. I let people convince me I needed fancy shoes. What I really wanted was a pair of White Skechers I had seen. I have never worn my wedding shoes again, I would have worn the skechers loads!!

But the main thing, the thing that is most important to me about a wedding, and it was the same with my wedding, was to have my favourite people there to share my day!