Saturday, March 5, 2011

"I'm the dummy Micky. I'm always the dummy"

If you don't know the Monkee's you may not understand the title of my blog post today. I am a BIG Monkee's fan ... LOVE the show, music etc.
This is how I'm feeling at the moment, like the dummy. And that facial expression that Peter Tork has sums it ALL up.

I'm upset and frustrated for my friends in Christchurch and that I can't help them.

I am still in a major state of Grief from losing Jase, everyday is different and lately I've been really struggling not having him here.

It is coming up to a year since we lost him and I think that is weighing heavily on my mind. Also all this grief from the Christchurch Earthquake has my feelings right on the surface. The fact that Riley's Birthday is just a couple weeks away and it will be his First since Jase died is also a bit emotional.

I think with the grief and devastation of Christchurch makes me feel guilty for feeling depressed about my own stuff too. Yes I lost my husband, but people down there have lost husbands, children, wife's, brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, sons and daughters. Not only that they have lost homes, possessions, schools, icons, buildings, jobs and livelihoods. I should be counting my blessings.

So yeah, I feel like the dummy.
Lets hope tomorrow is better

p.s. thanks for the pic Mands


Jenny said...

You're allowed to feel grief. I cried a lot the other morning - for my dad amd the earthquake victims. And then I felt bad because my dad had a great life and some of those earthquake people won't. Doesn't make it any different or better though. You feel sad anyway

PaisleyJade said...

I love the Moknees too!!!

I hear you Trace - it all just seems to add to the grief you are already going through - but don't feel bad for feeling sad about losing Jase - that is a MASSIVE thing to go through. Keeping you in my prayers. xoxo

Unknown said...

your feelings are your feelings, you yourself have had a mojor part of you life riped apart! the Chch earthquake is sad and has shocked us and a country but your life is still going on and its hard!! be kind to yourself. love yah xoxo