Tuesday, January 25, 2011


Some days for me are hard for a good reason such as Special days like Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversaries etc. Other days are just hard for no reason other than it's a day without Jason.
I have been Blog Hopping alot lately, finding new inspiration, ideas places to visit. Seeing so many amazing women (and yeah it is 99% women!) with amazing lives and families. I look at the gorgeous photos they post of their smiling children and Husbands/Partners and I feel jealous and sad. I want that back. I want my smiling husband back. I want my happy family back. I want to wake up in the morning with a smile instead of having to force myself to get up. I sometimes feel bitter towards others who have such a good life. Somedays I can't read their blogs. Today would be one of those days.

Today is a hard day for no other reason than it's a day without Jason


Kaby said...

I can not imagine what it is like for you and your family but I can only think you are lucky to have had children with your husband - he will live on in them.

mandyb said...

Tracy you do what you need to do to get through each day!!!

Jenny said...

You are strong - hold on to that.

That'll do said...

Oh Tracy, what a brutally honest and heart wrenching post. Makes me take a second look and appreciate even more what I have. I can't imagine what you go through everyday and I think of what that must be like for you often. But don't forget what you have and what you are! You're such an amazing person, with so much love around you, you're strong, with two of the most adorable kids (thanks to Jason) and a drive and creativity that is a true gift. You've lost something fundamental to you but you still have so much, I can only see you growing and going on to great things :)

PaisleyJade said...

Think of you so often Tracy and how hard it must be. Treasure the moments you had and hang in there. Keeping you in my prayers. xoxo

Danice said...

I agree with all the above and especially Thatll Do's comment.

Widge said...

I'm just a newbie to your blog but I remember hearing of this tragedy on the news and feeling so sad for you and your family (although I had no idea who you were.
Like Kaby I can't begin to imagine your pain but i admire your obvious strength that shows through in the writing of your blog and your creativity.
Much love and thoughts xo

Leonie said...

sending lots of prayers and hugs your way.
I also cannot imagine what you are going through but I love visiting your blog, you truly are inspirational, honest and I admire your courage.

Sharon & Nick said...

Thinking of you and sending heaps of hugs. Just remember that you have extremely precious children to get up for each day. Jason may not be physically with you but he will always be there, in your heart. The memories you have can never be taken away ever.

The British Homemaker said...

Hi Tracey
I have only just found your blog and my heart aches for you.
I lost someone very close to me 11 yrs ago and I thought I'd never get through it, each day was a weight I didn't feel I could carry. Somehow, over time, the weight got more bareable, but I don't think it'll ever go away.
One minute at a time, one hour at a time then one day at a time...that was the advice given to me by my boss, it helped.
I hope, someday you find your peace and each new day wont feel quite so heavy.