Today is the official first day of Spring here in the Southern Hemisphere. Spring is my favourite season. I LOVE spring flowers, the sun coming back from it's holiday in the North and it just seems to produce good feelings all around.
Spring is the season for new beginnings and I am taking that to heart this year.
Tomorrow is the day I get the keys to the very first house I own. That is exciting. I have decided that Moving into this house is going to be a fresh new start for me and my kids. A brand new chapter in a brand new book.
It's hard to be doing this without Jason. 16mths have gone by and the wound in my heart is still raw and incredibly painful. I miss him terribly. But I have decided that this new house brings us hope and I am determined to begin living my life again.
This is a huge and difficult step for me to make. Taking the first major life step without him in it. And as much as he is going to be a continuous part of our every day lives, it is time for me to stop living in the past. I need to stop with the "If Jason was still here" and the 'If Only ..." "What if ..." and "why?" Jason was, is and ALWAYS will be a part of our lives. But the hard reality is he is never coming back. Dead sadly is forever. And until I let go of my fantasy of him suddenly turning up on the doorstep I can not ever move forward and begin to live. So I am making that decision to take my first step forward. It will be a baby step but a step nonetheless.
So Spring 2011 marks the start of an incredible journey for me. Things will still be hard. I will still cry and grieve and miss my husband. I will still find it difficult to do many things without him. But the difference will be I am also going to be giving myself permission to be happy, to smile, to laugh and to have fun, all guilt free. Because it would be what Jason would want for me, for us as a family.
So HAPPY First Day of Spring!! And to New Beginnings!