Monday, January 5, 2015

2015

Wow, last year I blogged 6 times.
I figured I might be over the blogging thing, that I might not need it anymore, that I have nothing else to share.

It's only 4 days into 2015 and it's already being a tough one.

Last year a met a wonderful man. We dated, he moved in, we fell in love. We went through some good and not so good stuff together and then a week after Christmas, quite unexpectedly to me, he ended it.



I'm not angry.

I am sad and upset and confused.



I will be ok. I know that because I got through losing Jason, and honestly this is nothing compared to that. But it still hurts. A lot.



It kind of brings me to what I want to talk about.

It took me 4 years to start dating after Jason died. WOW what an unexpected emotional roller coaster it has been.
I have been on a few dates with a few different guys.
I have dated a couple for a while.
I fell in love even.

But Jason was still always on my mind. And the feelings of guilt and betrayal were hard things to overcome. But I worked through them. And yes, sadly, the relationship I thought might be the next "one" didn't turn out to be but as I sit here feeling sorry for myself and wondering what I did wrong, I also think "wow" look how far I have come. Look at what I have overcome to get to this stage and place in my life.



I have this flaw, and it's that I care too much too quickly. You see I have had my husband, my Grandmother and my Father all die quickly and unexpectedly in the last 4 1/2 years.  It kind of reiterates to me that Life is short. You need to grab the bull by the horns and ride it. You have NO idea what is going to happen tomorrow. Yeah I suppose that this philosophy may have caused me too much hurt, but in amongst the hurt was experience, fun, happiness. I learnt a lot from my last relationship. I had experiences I have never had before and as much as it hurts like heck right now I have no regrets. Maybe, if there is a next time, I will have learnt enough to make a better, stronger, more amazing relationship with someone.


Really at the end of the day it will be better to say "OMG what a knob I was for doing that" than having to say "I really wish I had of given that a go"

Go check out this AMAZING blog - Bone Marrow For Life. 
Raymond lost his Love to Cancer. Such a horrible disease, He was one of the rocks in my life when my Jason died. (read about that HERE) I read his blog and I smile because I know that yes he is in pain and yes life sucks but he is going to be ok.
Someone else who has the same philosophy as me - I love his catch phrase ....

Live a life you are proud of.

Be Better. Love Better.

So I challenge you in 2015 to step out of your comfort zone and LIVE!!! Challenge yourself, do the things you always wished you could do. Don't wait until tomorrow because tomorrow might just not happen.

Tell the people who you love that you love them, spend time on things you are passionate about and most of all MAKE NO EXCUSES!!!!

6 comments:

Teacher by trade, Mother by nature said...

Great post Tracy! Maybe this is year to make a comeback on the blog? You inspire me, your blog inspires me. You are such a great writer and honest which i admire! Go get 'em girl!

mandyb said...

great post.....it broke my heart to hear your news.....i hoped it was just what you needed and wanted.....oh BUGGER
i am with you on loving people...i am the same
hang in there my friend.....we can all do this!!!
xxxxx

Leonie Kiwiatheart said...

Love you my friend and i LOVE this post. It really shows how much you have grown through all the pain and hurt you have experienced.
I love your philosophy to get out of your comfort zone and LIVE!

Miriam said...

Live a life to be proud of, that is a gorgeous philosophy. Sending you love xxx

Leonie said...

Well done you for growing so much and coming so far - must be unimaginably difficult to do. Hope you get to Live a life You LOVE this year too xx

jacksta said...

aw Tracy! I had no idea! What a knob he must be to let a catch like you get away. big hugs xx