I have learnt some very valuable lessons over the last few months about trust, honesty, deceit and betrayal.
I come from a good family, a great family in fact. I am a little innocent and naive when it comes to many different "bad" things in this world. So when I met this person who came from a completely different world to me I had no idea what to expect. And once I found out about this world it was too late to back out, I was already too emotionally invested. The saddest thing was I found out about the world but he insisted it was all in the past. I am not sure why I believed him. I am not sure why I trusted him. They do say love is blind and I guess because of my feelings for him I WANTED to believe and trust him.
Sadly he was still living in his world big time. He lied, stole, cheated, and was involved in all this "bad" stuff. I was too naive and trusting to take in the signs. My friends saw how happy I was and also chose to ignore the signs. But as I look back there were plenty of signs.
I feel like I have been ripped from the inside out. How can someone I loved so much, trusted so much and invested so much into do this to me?
How could he flatly lie to me right in my face?
How could anyone take advantage of someone's kindness, love and generosity so much?
Because he is not from, and never will be from my world.
I have learnt about deceit, dishonesty, lying and cheating. Something no one should have to learn about in such a way.
It makes me sick to think that he lived in my house, bonded with my children, met many of my family & friends. He did all this and was betraying me the whole time.
This experience hasn't put me off dating. I am hurt for sure. But out of all the guys I have dated over the years this is the first truly BAD egg. So when you think about it the percentages aren't so bad. There is hope.
One of my friends said don't let one jerk put you off finding your Prince Charming. I said to her I already found him, and then he died.
I often wonder if I am being selfish and greedy for wanting to find love again when some people never get to experience the love that Jason and I had.
But I am young, and I have a long life ahead of me and I really don't want to spend it alone. My kids are going to leave home one day and then what?
My Grandad just celebrated his 90th Birthday - can I imagine the next almost 60 years on my own?
So I guess in time I will put myself out there again. I will brave the masses, risk my heart and feelings to try find that someone special.
Because Life is there for living and Love is one of the greatest parts of life!!