I am sick
I hate feeling this yuck.
The worst thing about being a widow and feeling like this is the fact that I have no-one to look after me.
I have littlies and no one but me to look after them. So when I'm sick I have to keep doing all the things I do every other day because I have no one else to take over the jobs for me.
My friends, who are trying to be nice, say rest, take a break, relax. I can't. If I rest and not do the things that need to be done they build up and then I have twice as much to do the next day. I don't have that other person to pick up the slack for me and my kids aren't big enough to do a lot of those things either. So I get up and do what needs to be done. I have no time to feel like crap.
But on the upside
I have learnt to solider through things. I have learnt that I can be strong even when I really don't want to. I have learnt that a hug from my kids when I'm not feeling well is the best medicine ever.
I have a shop to get ready to open. I have a house to keep out of chaos and two beautiful children to care for. I have no time to be sick!
So for now I will wallow, the chores are done, the kids are asleep and I will have a little time to myself to just be sick!